One Liners:

  • What do you call a male ladybug?

  • Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

  • If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

  • If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

  • I used to have an open mind but my brain kept falling out.

  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.









    • One liners by Rodney Dangerfield:

  • I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  • When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father .... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could....but he pulled through.

  • My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  • I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  • Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him ..... do you think we'll everfind them? He said ... I don't know kid .... there are so many places they can hide.

  • I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

  • I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me? He said... I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.



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